I think I’ve lost my writing spirit. And I do not know when I’ll be back blogging again. Even my other blog hasn’t seen an update in weeks! Perhaps I just can’t construct “cohesive sentences” at the moment.

I still can’t believe that it’s already 2007. My Boracay memories of Christmas last year (2005) are still fresh in my mind; when we celebrated New Year in a Chinese temple doing Chinese rituals; when I started the year (2006) with high hopes that things will go my way.

We started our year last year visiting a church in Batangas where we prayed for guidance for the New Year (’06). And as a superstition states, you get to have three wishes when you visit a church you haven’t been to, and one of those three will come true. And believe it or not, my wishes weren’t selfish. I wished for peace, well, peace in general; I wished that our family will still be complete for a long period of time, and that things would go smoothly. But as the days of 2006 went by, I then woke up to reality. I wasn’t in fairytale land that everything begins in “Once upon a time” and ends in “happily ever after”. 2006 was a tough year for me. But I’ve never regretted a single second of it.

Yes, of course I didn’t forget to wish that I see “princesa” that year. That “princesa”-wish was always a part of my wishes every time I visit a different church. But I had no luck in finding “princesa” in ’06.

I learned a lot in ’06. I’m not the guy I used to be 12 months ago. I’m not that fickle-minded kid I was three, four years ago. ’06 made me what I am right now. ’06 made me stronger, and made me a better person inside out.

Shits in ’06 were a lot tougher and complicated than my 2000-2005 shits all summed up. There were times that I thought that I was immune from the pain. There were times that I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, and there were times that I thought of giving up the fight. But God is good, and He was always by my side, even though I sometimes forget about Him. He was there guiding me all throughout; He never let me down.

Reminiscing is one of my pass-times. I reflect about things that happen to me. Then I get to realize how I conquered shit that went my way. I saw that even though shit struck me several times, I won’t make the same mistake twice. I also realized that despite the fact that the odds are against me at that time, I am still lucky and I should still be grateful for a lot of things: my family, our safety, our finances and other material things, friends that surround me. Life is about perspective – paradigms. It’s a matter of how you see things, and how you handle shit. There are things that happen that you cannot really control; what you could do is to make the best out of the given situation.

At the end of ’06, I then went into conclusion that, “this isn’t the year for ‘princesa’. This year prepared me for the upcoming year (2007), the year when I will meet ‘princesa’.” Yes, my hopes are high, fingers-crossed, prayers aloud; for I know that in this year, I’ll get to find ‘princesa’. Now I know that I’m ready. Now I can really say that indeed, I can already move on.

I’m really looking forward for what’s in store for me this year. And I know that God had already drawn His plans for me this year. I’ll let fate do its thing, and God do His magic. This year will be a magical year for me. The year when I’ll get a job (I think), and the year that I’ll meet ‘princesa’ =)

 
            Graduation (the walk) will be sometime next year; I’m not yet really sure when (waitta’go kid!). What’s next for this kid, who grew up with everything that he ever needed was right within his reach? Will I find a job? So does that mean I’ll have a boss of my own? Which then sums up to work loads?

 
            I’ve never worked for money my entire life. I was lucky that we had the means to live a convenient life. That’s why I think I don’t really value and appreciate material things that I have. In my On the Job Training, technically, I had to work for money. It was part of the package; it was part of the deal. I wasn’t paid much. It was more of an allowance kind of pay. But I can say that “money earned is sweeter than money that is given to you”. That couple of hundred Pesos really meant something to me. And as I told my mom, I already have a disposable income, even though I technically do not even have an income yet.

 
            I’m not pressured or anything. It’s just that, of course, my parents would want me helping them school my little sister and help them financially in family expenses. And if ever I screw up, hey, I still have a lot to learn about; and at least, I’m not going to waste that much time for I’m not even in my twenties yet!

 
            What bothers me is that, what will I be after college? What are the things that interest me? What do I love doing? What is my passion? There was a time that I wanted to be a Chef. I wanted to study culinary. I love food. I like cooking. But then, I realized that this wasn’t my passion, I was just fond of it. It could be like a special interest of some sort. But I don’t see my future in that industry.

 
            I also wanted to be an actor. Inspired by Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani in the sitcom FRIENDS). But I didn’t bother taking acting lessons of even joining theater clubs. I wanted to be a news reporter; a news anchor. I wanted to be a journalist; I just don’t think that I can take the pressure of the said profession.

 
            I want to be a writer. I know, I know, I’m still not that good in constructing cohesive sentences and putting my thoughts into words. I don’t even have a deep vocabulary. But I want to write; that’s why I gave blogging a try. I want to author my own book in the future; a book about life.

 
            Familiar with the movie ‘Hitch’ starring Will Smith and Eva Mendez? Yes, I want to be like Hitch, a love-doctor kind of guy. But not in that kind of fashion, well, not really. I want to write a book about love. I know I’m getting too cheesy, but I just want to release shit. I want to impart to other people my experiences and how I handled shit of my own. I want them to realize things at an early stage and not commit the mistakes and the stupidities that I did. I can say that I’ve been through a lot considering my young age. I don’t want people committing suicide because of heart problems. I don’t want people’s lives destroyed because of severe depression relating to love. I want to reach out. I want to help. This is one of the items in my “to do list before I die”.

 
            Going back about working, in what industries am I interested in? In what departments? What I know is that, I want a people-related work. I mean, I want lots of interaction and people relations. I’m a “people-guy”; ‘sociable’ if you may. So if ever I’ll be looking for a job, I would want a job wherein I get to mingle with different people. Or am I just saying that because I’m desperately wanting to get out of the environment that I’m in, break-free, and with high hopes and fingers-crossed, eventually find my princess?

 
            Ah, princesa, where art thou? I know I’m just saying this because I want a new environment to move around… A new environment where I’ll find princesa.

 
-         We just had our final presentation last Tuesday. Now, we just have to finalize and do some last-minute editing for our final paper.

-         Our outreach at Bahay San Rafael is on this coming Saturday.

-         Distribution of course cards will most likely be next week. I hope I get a 4.0 in my RELSFOR class and an O (outstanding) for our MANPRAC (Our OJT). I’m gunning for honors. Well, a cum laude at least. *fingers crossed*

until then…

I’m almost finished with my paper! . We’ll be presenting on Tuesday, so wish me luck! I know I’ll kick ass!

 
In other news, we’ll be having a long test in RELSFOR on Wednesday. I just hate the fact that I don’t have a car on Wednesdays! Without a car, I couldn’t do my “escape tactics”. I’m avoiding someone… for some reasons I need not write about. I really hate it that they scheduled it on a Wednesday… God please stand by me.

 
We are to go to Puerto Galera this Saturday. But I can’t go with them. We have this outreach for kids with cerebral-palsy. I’ve been blessed so much the past days and I think that it’s only right that I give back to God. I won’t retaliate and just accept the fact that while my cousins are enjoying themselves at the beach, I’m at Bahay San Rafael assisting and feeding kids with cerebral-palsy. We’ll give them a pre-Christmas party they’ll never forget!

 
Cheers to cheering up less privileged kids!

My labs was here this morning. We were supposed to do her OJT paper, but as I figured, we really didn’t focus on the task. We just watched FRIENDS and had a great time. It’s been ages since we last got together. And yes, we enjoyed every moment of it. It was sad though that she had to leave early. She had some documents to fix. But nonetheless, we enjoyed each other’s company.

I know that she isn’t “princesa” anymore, but then we’re still good friends. And we’ll be really good friends ‘till we grow old.

I’m really not in the mood to write something right now. It’s just that, I just want to blog. And as my previous post title states: “can’t fight the urge to blog”. I cannot even construct cohesive sentences. For one, no words can express how I feel right now. I don’t know how to relay it in words. It’s just bliss. And I really would like to thank God for everything! I can never be more grateful for the things that have been happening thus far. And I know that it will only get better. Thank You God so much!

I just want to post something. I figured that I would still stick to my old roots – WordPress. It would be hard to leave this domain. This is where I started. This was the first witness to all of my shits in life.

Nothing much to write. Nothing much to say. I just had the urge to blog. I just can’t help it.

I’ll be back. And when I do, I’ll then be a proud college graduate.

 goodbye wordpress.. i wont be cheesy and i wont be madrama about this. sheesh!

lumipad na si ardeepineda sa tabulas: http://www.tabulas.com/~ardeepineda/ – actually, matagal na akong may tabulas account.. nakalimutan ko na nga lang ang password ko… at ang username! nice!

salamat paupau sa pag-introduce sa wordpress. dont get me wrong, i like the site. i like the name…. its just, i just think that tabulas is more ‘user-friendly’… ‘coz of course, am not that ‘computer dude’… the hell do i know my HTML shit! i also left my livejournal… naguguluhan din ako sa configurations… i just suck in those stuff! lol

same shit, different site…

            I’m really not a computer geek. Actually, I really am not a computer guy. When you go on talking about computer parts and other computer related shit, I’ll just look up in the sky and be fascinated with what I might see (in indoor scenarios, I’ll just stare up the ceiling and wait for the lizards to come out). That’s why I have this lame-looking blog. I really don’t know my way on these kinds of shit. The heck with fancy blogs! I don’t even know how to make one. Pathetic shit. lol.

CSS, HTML codes, codec, javascript, RAM, ROM, HDD, STD, HIV… f*ck those!  The heck with those! I really don’t understand computer-lingo (well of course the last two acronyms are not computer-terms… dude, kung nde mo pa napancin yun, baka may ganun ka na! lol). Well then again, that’s why I have this lame-looking blog.

I’m also not a science-person. I don’t like science. Well, its not that I don’t “like” like science… it’s just… I think that it’s interesting and at the same time, boring. I don’t like reading stuff about anatomy, biology, and the like. Well of course, there are exceptions to the rule… hehe. I’m more of a numbers kind of guy… well, except accounting! F*ck that! I HATE accounting! I really don’t know the difference of the other math subjects vs. accounting… I really suck at accounting! F*ck that course! F*ck that subject (no offense to the accounting people. Hehe).  As I tell my friends, I’m more of a “find X dude”, rather than a “what is X dude…

I really dunno why I’m writing this… its just that, its been really shitty the past days… relasyon?? Wala naman… gusto ko lang magrelease ng shit… its my blog. My crap; my shit. irrelevant bullcrap.

… there… something like that. (That felt good! Haha)

            I cant release shit naman on this ‘public site’… maxadong complicated at maxadong mababaw… ewan. Blangko. Pagod. Shitty… f*ck that! *sigh*

anyways, i want you to know that you’ll always be family. you’ll always be a part of me & a part of my family. kaya, you’re welcome anytime! (read: dito ka na lang magstay! hahaha). at sabi ko naman sau, what’s mine is yours… teka, ddramahan kita… magsusulat ako ng something for you… sabi ko naman sau i’ll write something about you here e. hehe. love you dear!

(*&*): Hindi pa e… bakit?

(^%^): Panalo! P40 lang!

            I didn’t have a car today. So I was FORCED to eat in our canteen… err, “cafeteria”. lol. It was my first time this term to ‘dine’ in the “illustrious” La Casita. Nice. I was expecting the usual expensive menu. The usual shit that would drive you nuts (if you’re a first-timer) and would tell yourself: “F*ck that! Kulang pa yung P50 pesos ko?! F*ck! P80 ang meal?? Wala pang drinks!!” oh yes, the beauty of it. But then, I noticed a sign, “Budget Meal P40”. And I told myself “ayos! P40 lang!”. I was absorbed by the lip smacking mean, the elegance of the preparation, the stainless
China, the mouth-watering delicacy that was in front of me. The “Budget Meal’. I then fixated my eyes on what is in the ‘Budget Meal’: Five (5) pieces of green peas, two (2) small cutlets of meat (pork perhaps), chopped pechay side-dish, and a cup of rice. Yum! Whoa! All prepared in a stainless 15-inch prison plate! Ayos!

            It looked like a day-old meal! Pale soggy vegetables, a day-old room-temperature cup o’rice, and perhaps, a week old ulam… with peas!! Yay! And if you see where the food is served, really, just imagine a prison-plate. Yes, like the ones you see in the movies!

            I don’t even think that my P40 is even worth it. I don’t even think that I plan of buying, or even tasting the “Bilibid Meal”. Gross. I was thinking, what if a kid would buy the “Bilibid Meal”? What would the other kids/people think? “kawawa naman yung bata. Yun yung kinakain. Parang walang pang gastos ang mga magulang nito…” they’ll surely pity that kid. Well, if I was that kid, I’ll surely pity myself too. lol

            Ano ba ang nag tulak sa akin para magsulat? Marahil ay tulong ito ng mga libro ni BobOng. Dahil maliban sa Jack and the Beanstalk, Prince and the Pauper, at iba pang fairy tales and fables, ang “ABNKKBSNPLAko” ni BobOng ang unang librong natapos ko sa mahigit isang libong taon. Mahusay. Magaling na estudyante! Dapat tularan!

            Ang payo sa akin ng isang kaibigan, bahala daw ako kung saang lenggwahe ko gusto magsulat. Pwedeng deretsong ingles, pwedeng puro Filipino, pwedeng taglish, at kung may iba ka pang alam gamitin na lenggwahe, mahusay. Kanya-kanyang trip. Kanya-kanyang topak. Kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan. Nga lang, pag nagsulat ka sa wikang Filipino sa MS word, puro red at green underlines ang iyong makikita. Ganun din pag taglish. Kaya ang aking payo, sa notepad ka na lang gumawa ng draft. Hindi ka pakikielaman nun! Kahit magliw-aliw ka sa bisaya, hieroglyphics, at lahat ng mga charcters sa alt (eg. Alt 369 = ű).

            Naisip ko rin na lahat ng mga manunulat ay may kanya-kanyang istilo sa pagsusulat. May mga nakakatawa, nakakatakot, nakakaiyak, cook books, dictionary, encyclopedia, bibliography, pocket books, notebooks, textbooks, religious, self-help, folders & fasteners, pad paper, school supplies, leisure, customer service, at cashier. May mga seryoso, may mga gumagamit ng mga symbolisms, may nag p-personify, may mga bastos, at may mga puro kalokohan lang. marahil doon mapapabilang ang mga gawa ko. Sa mga kalokohan. At eventually, ito’y mageevolve at mapupunta na lang sa mga “Spam”. (wag naman sana)

            Hindi ako kumakain ng spam. Well, nung bata ko, siempre. Pero ngaun, hindi ko na trips ang mga pagkain na maraming preservatives at msg. Nakakasama ito sa ating katawan. (sandali, hindi na ito konnektado sa “pagsusulat”! balik tayo….)

            Naisip ko rin, tungkol saan ba ang mga isusulat ko? Saang lenggwahe ko ba ito isusulat? Sinong target market ko? At, may magbabasa ba naman nito maliban sa akin at yung aso, paperclip, bola, puzzle, robot, wizard, pusa, o yun earth na lumalabas sa MS word?

            Minsan, magulo pa nga ang pag l-layout ng aking mga ideya. Dahil nga sa baguhan pa lang ako sa pagsusulat; amateur. Sabi ko din nga, marami pa akong bigas na kakainin. Marami pang librong dapat basahin. At marami pang bill ng Meralco na dapat bayarin.

            I think that it is because of pity that ‘some people’ read what I write. “aawww… poor kid, let’s read his crap.” Wala akong pakielam. Dahi sa gusto mo man o hindi, once na basahin mo ang gawa ko, “pans” na kita! Waahhoooo!

            Hayaan nyo at magiimprove din ang aking pagsusulat. Kapag meron nang “The Flash Returns”. Bakit nga kaya hindi ganun ka-sikat ang ibang Justice Friends? Dahil ba sa hindi na natin kilala ang mga ito? Dahil sa hindi natin sila panhon, dahil panahon pa sila ng ating mga lolo at tatay? Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, gusto ko na meron din silang sariling pelikula. Yung sila naman yun bida. Tiganan mo nga, ano ba ang pinakamabili na superhero costume? Siyempre, hindi agad mawawala si Spiderman; top-grosser yan. Si Bataman. Si Superman. Sa mga babae naman si Darna, este, si Wonder Woman pala. Tapos, si Flash. Ayun! Ayun na siya!!! Yes!!! Maganda din naman kasi ang costume ni Flash. Wala lang maxadong nagbebenta nito sa hindi malamang kadahilanan.

            Labo noh? Kung ano-anong pinagsasasabi. Sabi ko naman, kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan lang yan. May mga nagrrugby, may nagccough syrup, may nagjjutes, may humihit-hit ng racumin at dora, may tumitira ng moth balls, at ang iba naman ay nasobrahan lang sa pagkain ng ice…

            Kanya-kanyang trip. Kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan. Yan ang pagsusulat sa aking pananaw. Kung paano mo naipaparating sa ibang tao ang iyong ka-weirduhan… baw.

“If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Why do you still call it a building when it’s already built?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are others here for?

If you aren’t supposed to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?”

            Come to think of it… yea; why? This is not like the “why does 7-11 have door locks if it is open 24 hours a day” thing. This is more ‘seriously-hilarious’.

(wala lang. pinost ko lang. walang pakielamanan ng pinopost! Blog ko ‘to!!)