Coffee Bawl: suppressed thoughts

I still can’t believe that it’s already 2007. My Boracay memories of Christmas last year (2005) are still fresh in my mind; when we celebrated New Year in a Chinese temple doing Chinese rituals; when I started the year (2006) with high hopes that things will go my way.

We started our year last year visiting a church in Batangas where we prayed for guidance for the New Year (’06). And as a superstition states, you get to have three wishes when you visit a church you haven’t been to, and one of those three will come true. And believe it or not, my wishes weren’t selfish. I wished for peace, well, peace in general; I wished that our family will still be complete for a long period of time, and that things would go smoothly. But as the days of 2006 went by, I then woke up to reality. I wasn’t in fairytale land that everything begins in “Once upon a time” and ends in “happily ever after”. 2006 was a tough year for me. But I’ve never regretted a single second of it.

Yes, of course I didn’t forget to wish that I see “princesa” that year. That “princesa”-wish was always a part of my wishes every time I visit a different church. But I had no luck in finding “princesa” in ’06.

I learned a lot in ’06. I’m not the guy I used to be 12 months ago. I’m not that fickle-minded kid I was three, four years ago. ’06 made me what I am right now. ’06 made me stronger, and made me a better person inside out.

Shits in ’06 were a lot tougher and complicated than my 2000-2005 shits all summed up. There were times that I thought that I was immune from the pain. There were times that I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, and there were times that I thought of giving up the fight. But God is good, and He was always by my side, even though I sometimes forget about Him. He was there guiding me all throughout; He never let me down.

Reminiscing is one of my pass-times. I reflect about things that happen to me. Then I get to realize how I conquered shit that went my way. I saw that even though shit struck me several times, I won’t make the same mistake twice. I also realized that despite the fact that the odds are against me at that time, I am still lucky and I should still be grateful for a lot of things: my family, our safety, our finances and other material things, friends that surround me. Life is about perspective – paradigms. It’s a matter of how you see things, and how you handle shit. There are things that happen that you cannot really control; what you could do is to make the best out of the given situation.

At the end of ’06, I then went into conclusion that, “this isn’t the year for ‘princesa’. This year prepared me for the upcoming year (2007), the year when I will meet ‘princesa’.” Yes, my hopes are high, fingers-crossed, prayers aloud; for I know that in this year, I’ll get to find ‘princesa’. Now I know that I’m ready. Now I can really say that indeed, I can already move on.

I’m really looking forward for what’s in store for me this year. And I know that God had already drawn His plans for me this year. I’ll let fate do its thing, and God do His magic. This year will be a magical year for me. The year when I’ll get a job (I think), and the year that I’ll meet ‘princesa’ =)